What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
