Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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