They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
