break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I touched a dick in church today
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