remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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