There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
