absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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