Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
