But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
