She is in my trunk
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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