Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
