Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
