I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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