I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize