Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
