who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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