There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My cat gives me a boner
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize