Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
