We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
