Can i not drive my cunt home
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
