He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
and you fell through a lawn chair
i am craving dick and cupcakes
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
