My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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