I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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