I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
