I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
