I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
