Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
