all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
