I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
