I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
