you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
