my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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