$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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