you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
is it fun? or sober?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize