insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
