he puts the penis in happiness.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Operation Purity has been aborted
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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