I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
