Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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