so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
