I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
