wrigley field is MILF paradise
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
