just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
