Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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