I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
