my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
