I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's official drugs can't kill me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
