my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
