I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You are the jesus of drinking
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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