he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
