I'm jealous of your bromance
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
