I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
