TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
