i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
