i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
