dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I smell like Dick and happiness
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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