Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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