Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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