wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
bring money and cleavage
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
