I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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