Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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