So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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