I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
