You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
