nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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