I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
