I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Let's paint friendship bongs
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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