I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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