summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
How naked do you want me to be?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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